Guest Post by Matt
We bought a minivan here in Spain that’s thoroughly
un-American. “How is that possible?” you say. Aren’t minivans as American as
apple pie? Not this one. Here are six reasons any red-blooded American would
shun our van:
1) It’s French
It’s been over twenty years since French
cars were sold in the US. Most who remember them don’t do so fondly. Even FIAT
(“Fix It Again Tony”) has recently ventured back into the US market, but not
the French. Add in the “Freedom Fries” debacle, and the fact that France just
elected a Socialist (gasp!) to lead the country, and French cars are
non-starters (pun intended) in the US.
2) It’s built in Spain
Most Americans don’t even realize that Spaniards
manufacture cars at all. When I mention that ours was built in Vigo, Spain,
they’re aghast that I would buy a vehicle made in a country better known for
jobs for life, work days that end at 3 PM, all night parties and well-timed
strikes. It doesn’t matter when I tell them that our car has a great reputation
for quality – they can only remember Spain as the place where they drank too
many stiff drinks on the beach.
3)
It has a silly name
Our van is a Citroen C4 “Grand Picasso.” Hmm… a minivan named after
the father of Cubism? Of course, late in life Pablo was willing to add his
signature to most anything for a few francs, but even he must be rolling in his
grave at this. How did Citroen ever come up with this goofy name? I can only
speculate that like this car, Picasso was a French phenomenon that actually originated
in Spain. And what about the “Grand” part? Well, the “Grand Picasso” is the
seven-passenger version; the 5-passenger is just the “Picasso.” But I hope most
people still think of Guernica when they hear the term “Grand Picasso.”
4) The engine is tiny
Our minivan in the US had a six cylinder, 3.5 liter, 265 horsepower
gasoline engine. Our Citroen has a 1.6 liter, 110 horsepower diesel – less than
half the size and power. When I first read the stats, I pictured our family having
to get out and push every time we encountered a hill.
5) It has a manual transmission
You can’t buy a minivan with a manual
transmission in the US, because no soccer mom would want to drive it. Of
course, kids don’t play soccer in France and Spain; they play football.
6) It’s cramped
Our Citroen seats seven people – as long as
they’re all coxswains, jockeys or ballerinas. It’s narrower than many compact
cars in the US.
7) There are no cup holders
Our US minivan had more cup holders than
seats. American manufacturers compete over which can offer the most and the
biggest. Some even add refrigerated compartments. The most our “Grand Picasso”
offers are a couple of useless round indentations on the floor in between the
front seats. How can this be? Shockingly, Europeans do not eat in their cars!
In spite of all this, I love our “Grand Picasso.” Here’s
why:
1)
It’s
a room with a view
Our van has a huge windshield that brings
the beautiful European outdoors right into the cabin. From the front seats, you
can look almost straight up into the sky. The kids in the back may be cramped,
but the driver gets an immense sense of spaciousness.
2) It gets great gas mileage
I laugh when I hear of US protests over
$4/gallon gas. It’s double that in
Europe. Our previous minivan got 20 miles per gallon. US car reviewers
considered that rather thrifty, Spaniards would consider that horrifyingly
gluttonous. Our Citroen gets 45 miles per gallon, making it cheaper to run,
even with the gas price difference.
We didn’t even give up that much utility
for this great efficiency. Our van certainly isn’t a rocket, but over time,
we’ve come to consider our diesel to be “the little engine that could.” We’ve
been fully loaded cruising down the highway at 75 MPH with luggage on the roof,
and the Citroen’s handled the hills with aplomb. After owning one, I’ve
concluded that modern diesels are the most overlooked technology in the US
automotive industry.
3) It’s not too wide
Within minutes, a US minivan would wedge
itself between the walls of ancient European villages, whose streets can be
just over two meters across. Our Citroen cleverly expands upwards and
lengthwise, keeping the width under control. We appreciate it every time we
pull into a claustrophobic Spanish parking garage, with our mirrors folded to
give us every inch of space.
4) It has some cool technology
Americans might assume that fashionable France would be free of geeks,
but they’d be mistaken. French companies – and especially Citroen – have always
been obsessed with technology. Decades ago, most Citroen cars had
“hydropneumatic” suspensions that made the body of the car “float” over the
road. The driver could raise the suspension to clear obstacles, or lower it for
speed. Citroen was early in using aerodynamics, electronics, hydraulics –
anything that was new and cool. It resulted in some pretty quirky designs that
only a geek like me could love.
Nowadays, Citroen seems to have outgrown their Jules Verne tehnology-worship,
entering a new “Zen” technology phase. I think even Steve Jobs would approve of
the dashboard display in our van, which always seems to tell me exactly what I
want to know when I want to know it.
Time will tell whether our van avoids the
other pitfall of some French technology – unreliability. I remember visiting a
gleaming new corporate office near Nice in the 1980’s. It had Star Trek-like
doors that would open automatically as you approached if you were authorized,
but would lock if you were not. They were pretty cool, except that they kept
randomly locking people in different parts of the building! It was a nightmare
for everyone. So far, our “Grand Picasso” has run like a Swiss … err… French
watch.
